‘It’s not dark yet …..

…. but it’s getting there.’

In the early hours of last Sunday morning the U.K. turned it’s clocks back – for overseas readers I should explain what this means.  Last Saturday afternoon it was dusk at around 5pm, the following day it was dusk at 4pm. So, it abruptly gets dark an hour earlier, and as the weeks progress the sun goes down 15 minutes earlier each week  until the Winter Equinox on 21 December, when dusk is at around 3.30pm.  Only then do the long winter evenings start, ever so gradually to shorten until the Spring arrives once more.

Now is the time when I charge up my bike lights and dust off my hi – vis jacket before I put my feet on the pedals. I’m taking practical steps to protect myself from danger, to make sure that other people are well aware that I’m also on the road.

Regular readers will know that I am prone to slipping into depression during the summer months, rather than around now, the more usual time for moods to dip and falter. But over the last few weeks I have been freewheeling through red lights – metaphorically speaking – dimly aware that the Highway Code – and good sense – forbid this.

Red light

 

Dimly aware.

I saw my psychiatrist a few weeks ago and raised my fears that my mood, while prone to being somewhat spikey of late, was too good to be true. I have been doing O.K. during a long and stressful period, I told him. It couldn’t last. He was confident that I was nonetheless, partly thanks to a recent course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, holding it together well. Nonetheless, we agreed that we should meet sooner than the usual 3 months, just to be on the safe side.

I know what I need to do. Get on my bike (8 banal miles today). Sleep ( I had an early night last night). Read (I read 40 pages of an easy – read novel today). Go to work (I’ve been doing that). Talk to my boss about how I’m feeling (I will next time I’m in the office). Write my blog (doin’ that). Listen to my favourite music (like I am right now). Tell my wife and friends (that’s the next thing).

 

Not Dark Yet

Shadows are falling and I’ve been here all day
It’s too hot to sleep, time is running away
Feel like my soul has turned into steel
I’ve still got the scars that the sun didn’t heal
There’s not even room enough to be anywhere
It’s not dark yet, but it’s getting there

Well, my sense of humanity has gone down the drain
Behind every beautiful thing there’s been some kind of pain
She wrote me a letter and she wrote it so kind
She put down in writing what was in her mind
I just don’t see why I should even care
It’s not dark yet, but it’s getting there

Well, I’ve been to London and I’ve been to gay Paree
I’ve followed the river and I got to the sea
I’ve been down on the bottom of a world full of lies
I ain’t looking for nothing in anyone’s eyes
Sometimes my burden seems more than I can bear
It’s not dark yet, but it’s getting there

I was born here and I’ll die here against my will
I know it looks like I’m moving, but I’m standing still
Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb
I can’t even remember what it was I came here to get away from
Don’t even hear a murmur of a prayer

It’s not dark yet, but it’s getting there

Bob Dylan (1941 – )

Youtube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZgBhyU4IvQ

 

 
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This entry was posted in Bi Polar Disorder, Cycling, Depression, Mental Health, mental illness, Poetry, Relapse and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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